Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
another moral hangover. fuck.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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