I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
