Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
