When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
