Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
