i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
