I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
