She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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