i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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