That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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