I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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