We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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