i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
