I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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