he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize