You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
