There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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