I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize