The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
