9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
