i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
