Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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