there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize