Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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