I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
