I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
