I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
