3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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