Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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