Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
