my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
