We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
nutella sex= disaster
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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