textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
