You just made me feel so damn special
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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