Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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