Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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