He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
