You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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