are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
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Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob