I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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