Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.

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(518): View more from New York

Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(352): View more from Florida

My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.

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(909): View more from California

that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.

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