I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???