For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
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Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.