There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.