That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
