I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
