John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
