ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
