Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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