I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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