I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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