Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize