I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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