It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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