____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If that was your dad, he is hot
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
