Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
sarcasm needs its own font
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
