this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
