Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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