you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
