i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
