Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She said her name was "party"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
