My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
