WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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