what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
