We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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